Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
