i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
