Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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