I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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