I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
