i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
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