there was a trapeze. enough said
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
