my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
well you can't waste a boner
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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