we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
