She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
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