dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
