I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
