my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
