Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
