I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
