can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
This house was built for laser tag.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
