i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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