beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
