I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
