8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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