So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
