bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
we're making bets on your personal life
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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