Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
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