Can i not drive my cunt home
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
