Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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