I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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