One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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