Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
