who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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