I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
