Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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