plz talk dirty to me
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
