I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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