No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
