do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm always down for nudity.
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