i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
