We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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