I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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