I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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