i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize