I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
my being single is dangerous.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Randomize
