it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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