Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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