STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
