i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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