Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
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