can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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