Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
