Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
