i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
