mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
