Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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