Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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