I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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