My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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