i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
