Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
