i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
