So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
