Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
