I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize