His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
