I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Sext me about skeletons
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
