You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
