Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Randomize
