mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
