i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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