you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
