if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
