6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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