i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
