plz talk dirty to me
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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