did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
